venting sesh.

I cant help but notice, in my life and those around me, that fear over rules our lives.

we end relationships, because we are scared they might not work out.

we stay in school and change our majors, because we are scared we wont be good at the ones we are in.

we hide certain parts of who we are, because we are scared what others will think.

we travel, move or go on missions(sometimes) to run away from our lives, cause we are just scared of life.

Well, i dont know about you, but im sick of being scared. im sick of fear ruling my life.

i want to keep my big heart and not have to guard it, i want to be vulnerable.

i want to stop assuming everyone will hurt me.

i want to stop playing games and pretend like i dont care.

i want to stop running away

and i want to start my life.

the only way to do this is to stop being scared.

were going to miss out on too many amazing things and people in life if we are scared.

so, stop being scared with me.

be brave. be vulnerable.

do not be scared.

"if we wait around to be sure, we will be waiting forever."

if you want it, stop thinking, go get it.

the rest will take care of itself.

***sorry for being deep. ill write a sarcastic and rude post soon to make up for it. promise.

thanksgiving.

They say the more we see things, the less we actually SEE them.

unfortunately, this is so true and I am not a fan.

I've been that person and people have done it to me.

So, lets notice when we do this and quickly change it, mmkay pumpkin?

things i am thankful for:

1. my family(duh)

2. being healthy

3. people who invited me to be a part of their thanksgiving while i am far from my family.

4. taylor swift music

5. good food

6. rain

7. cold blankets

8. people who smile alot

9. living in america

10. all the armed forces and their families

11. trials

12. forgiveness

13. my life

feelings.

you're a special kind of stupid, aren't you?

brudder.

Brother came home last week to take care of some medical stuff, so here is the whole fam bamily together again after a long time. Josh hasnt changed one bit, its awesome. We are so lucky to have him until december :)

In other news I am going home for the second weekend in a row, so sick! I'll be there for Heesch and Shanes wedding, im so excited.

Things i love about going home:

1. the smell of our house, it ALWAYS smells so good.

2. the smell of ashley and kennas cars. (why do VWs smell so good?)

3. Splash

4. lots and lots and lots of food

5. local eats

6. the ocean

7. the smell of salt water in the air, there is nothing better

8. flying, idk why people hate airports, i LOVE them. best people watching and i just straight up love flying.

9. family, obviously

10. the people

11. the california style, sometimes i feel out of the loop in utah

12. i love how everyone is just happy and stoked on life and so mellow

13. my crazy crazy friends

i could go on and on, but home is really just therapy for me. I feel so stressed and am so hard on myself when im here in utah, but when i go home i relax and think, "I'm doing really good and I am really good and I just need to relax and be happy."

recipe for happiness:

1. love yourself

2. dont care what other people think

3. take 30 min naps as often as possible.

4. dont do anything you dont want to do

5. listen to music every second you get

6. eat whatever the freak you want.

7. dont be lame, have your own style.

8. only work jobs you like that dont drive you kookoo

9. i dont care how much it costs, make your bed extremely comfy. the more pillows and down comforters the better.

10. do what you are supposed to do, everything else will fall into place.

it works every time.

well thats a little bit of my list, do with it as you will.

3 yobs

(but i am, 2 times around)

nope, not a typo. i do in fact have 3 jobs.

yes i know im crazy.

let me just vent to you utah people that go out to eat.

Are you aware that all servers in utah make 2 dollars an hour? yes, 2. im not lying.

If you think that i might be, you are more than welcome to come check out my paycheck.

(which i am quite stoked about cause it was 27 dollars after taxes)

THATISSOSAD.

Dont worry, most of the times i make up for it in tips, but not much of the time in the utah valley.

it's a good thing i love the people i work with.

anyways, 2 serving jobs and i babysit a few days a week (which i also LOVE)

but kudos to you single moms out there, i have no idea how you do it.

im in bed no later than 1130 most nights, i feel i may have lost the few friends i had left cause i can never go out.

boo-hoo im an adult.

ps had the stomach flu starting monday-wednesday. can you imagine calling 3 bosses and saying you will not be working for 3 days? i hope they dont hate me, i hate calling in sick as it is cause everyone thinks youre a liar.

pps i think ill be making the move back to CA very soon, thoughts?

Swagger Wagon

ah, a new sienna mini van commercial. i LOVE them.

other good ones:

swagger wagon (long version)

make it rain

and meet the parents.

theyre all good so just watch them all.

please and thank you.

famree

I miss these people mucho:

love you and miss ALL of you

(even you not pictured ones)